I am not perfect, I will always be imperfect, but I am much better now
By Idnasirasira - December 05, 2023
In shadows deep, where whispers wove,
A truth profound, a tale of love.
"We accept," it said, with gentle sway,
"The love we think we're due today."
In mirrors of the soul, reflections clear,
Our worth entwined with hopes and fear.
Through self-kissed wounds and scars observed,
Love's script is writ, it's we who've penned each word.
Deserving hearts, in quiet yearn,
For love that lights, for love to learn.
Yet, choices shaped by shadows cast,
Reveal the echoes of our own self's past.
Dare we dream of love untold,
Of worth unmeasured, yet to unfold?
For in the quiet of our self-esteem,
Resides the truth of love's own scheme.
To rise above the doubts that crest,
To seek a love that feels the best.
For in our hands, the power we preserve,
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"We accept the love we think we deserve" is a quote from Stephen Chbosky's novel "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." This statement reflects the idea that our self-perception and self-worth play a significant role in the kinds of relationships we allow into our lives.
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Bon Voyage
Going through the waves
A shirt wrapped around the bow of a small silver boat dazzled my eyes
I'm leaving everything behind
Impatient for a summer's dream
Don't look for us
Unable to breathe, Even after a long kiss
My fingers shake, they never stop
Between the sky and the sea, a white bird soaring freely
While scared of a world too wide
The black clouds pass to the north
The horizon is after the rain
I'm sure I can see the future when I get there
Dear Future Self,
I'm currently on a remarkable journey, overcoming challenges with unwavering determination. Life has thrown various obstacles my way, but I firmly believe that each difficulty offers a chance to learn and grow. Failures and disappointments have become stepping stones in my path toward becoming a stronger, wiser individual.
Right now, I'm focused on redesigning my life, setting clear goals, and working relentlessly toward them. I know this journey won't be without its challenges, but I've discovered an inner strength that drives me forward.
My goal is to share my story of struggle to inspire others. We all have the potential to rise above adversity and chase our dreams. I'm open to learning from others' experiences, and together, we can become the best versions of ourselves.
Let's take on this journey together, facing each challenge with determination and hope, because I believe the future is full of possibilities. I stand as proof that we can overcome adversity, and together, we will achieve success.
With hope and strength,
Aris Arisandi
Echoes of Longing - A poems from "Can I call you sometime?"
By Idnasirasira - August 24, 2023
In the realm of missing hearts, I stand,
Have you ever missed someone, my friend?
A void within, an ache that's real,
Thoughts of her, an emotion I feel.
Have you ever missed someone, my friend?
A void within, an ache that's real,
Thoughts of her, an emotion I feel.
A solitary path, I often tread,
To anyone else, I can't be led.
In memories, I dwell so deep,
Doing everything for her, I keep.
Regrets sometimes cloud my view,
Our past, a tapestry of shades and hue.
She, not a listener, yet I yearn to share,
Talk of everything, lay my soul bare.
Love lingers still, a flame aglow,
Impossible to let go, this I know.
Without her, life's an intricate chore,
Yearning for her, I can't ignore.
I miss her quirks, her childish glee,
Her imperfections, a symphony.
A confidante I need, a soul to see,
In her presence, I wish to be free.
"Can I call you sometime?" I dared to say,
"Anytime," her words did sway.
But now the line remains untouched,
To respond seems to hurt too much.
I delay, I avoid, messages go unread,
A way to ensure our ties have shred.
For her, perhaps it's best to let go,
Find a brighter path, let her heart grow.
Is this my course, the right decree?
In the night's embrace, I still plea.
Uncertainty lingers, like shadows in night,
Love's complex dance, a continuous fight.
Read the writing here -> Can I call you sometime?
As I feel the weight of exhaustion settle in, a sad question fills my thoughts: "If everyone is tired of me, who will stay with me?" Memories of laughter and closeness now feel distant. Faces that used to smile seem distant now, leaving me feeling alone. This thought hurts, and I wish for someone who won't be tired of me, someone who will stand by my side. The road ahead seems unsure, wrapped in sadness, as I look for that one person who will see past the tiredness and be a true friend.
In a bustling city that thrived on noise and activity, I often found myself lost in the midst of it all, surrounded by the ebb and flow of life. Maybe I'm not a good person, I'd often think to myself, my actions sometimes clashing with the empathy that simmered within me. It was as if there were two sides of me - the exterior that others saw, and the intricate tangle of emotions that remained hidden beneath.
One day, in search of solace, I boarded a train, seeking refuge from the cacophony of the city streets. As the train's rhythmic motion carried me away, I found myself immersed in the sea of faces around me. Each person seemed to carry a world of thoughts, hopes, and worries, and I couldn't help but wonder about the stories etched into their expressions.
I gazed out of the window, the passing landscape a blur as my mind wandered. In this moment, I felt a connection to the strangers around me, united by our shared humanity and the weight we all carried. The chaos of life seemed to fade away, replaced by a quiet camaraderie, an unspoken understanding that life wasn't always as it appeared.
As the journey continued, I realized how similar our struggles were, even though they remained unspoken. The masks we wore hid the battles we fought within, the fears we grappled with, and the hopes we dared to dream. The world was a tapestry of people, each thread representing a different story, a unique journey through life's challenges.
I listened to the silence of the train, the absence of words somehow conveying more than any conversation could. It was a reminder that sometimes, when words fell short, silence could offer solace. And in that silence, a bond formed, connecting us through our shared reticence.
The train took me to distant places, physically distancing me from the noise of my daily life. In that space, I found clarity and perspective. The isolation brought a sense of calm, allowing me to confront the turmoil that had been buried deep within.
I carried a message with me, a reminder to venture far and wide, to explore the corners of my own mind. Loneliness could be a guide, leading me to discover the strength that resided within me. I held onto hope, believing that after every storm, a period of tranquility would follow. Solutions waited patiently to be uncovered, like treasures hidden beneath the surface of my struggles.
The journey taught me to stand firm in the face of life's challenges, to weather the storms that would inevitably arise. It was a process of growth, a transformation into a stronger version of myself. And as the train carried me back to the city, I felt a newfound sense of purpose – to carry my burdens in silence when necessary, to acknowledge the struggles of others, and to find the beauty in our shared humanity.
"This writing is based on what I felt at that moment when I was inside the train."
Jakarta, 19 August 2023
Aris Arisandi
In your presence, I find delight untold,
Even if fleeting, it's a moment of gold.
Your essence brings comfort, warm and true,
In your company, I feel brand new.
The way you speak, your laughter's sweet sound,
Revealing love's magic, profound and profound.
And your smile, a portal to another sphere,
Where joy and serenity always appear.
But alas, I fear this is our goodbye,
Destined paths may lead us to say "Nigh."
Yet, if love's fate binds our souls together,
I'll embrace it wholly, now and forever.
With every beat of my heart, I declare,
The love I hold for you, it's rare and fair.
"When I saw you, you smiled and I loved you.
But when he came to you. My heart is broke."
When I first laid eyes on you, a warm sensation filled my heart as your smile radiated a captivating charm. In that moment, I couldn't help but feel an instant connection, and my affection for you blossomed effortlessly. Your smile, like a gentle ray of sunshine, brightened my day and ignited a spark within me.
However, as time passed, my heart sank when I noticed another person approaching you. It was as if my world turned upside down, and I felt a pang of sadness and disappointment deep within me. I watched from afar as he came into your life, and it seemed like my dreams of being with you shattered before my eyes.
It was a challenging moment for me to witness someone else capturing your attention, but I knew that I had to accept the reality of the situation. Love doesn't always work in our favor, and sometimes we have to come to terms with the fact that the person we adore may find happiness with someone else.
I took a step back and reminded myself that love is not about possessing someone or expecting them to reciprocate our feelings. It is about cherishing the moments we have, regardless of the outcome. While it's natural to feel heartbroken and vulnerable, I understood that I should appreciate the friendship we shared and the memories we created.
Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns, and love is a complex emotion that can both lift us to great heights and challenge us in profound ways. Despite the heartache, I am grateful for the opportunity to have known you and experienced the joy of your presence, even if it was fleeting.
As I reflect on our time together, I choose to embrace the beautiful memories we crafted and learn from this experience. Sometimes, unrequited love teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and what we truly seek in a partner. It urges us to grow and explore the depths of our emotions.
I believe that everyone we encounter has a purpose in our journey, and though it might not always be apparent at first, every connection leaves an imprint on our souls. It is okay to feel vulnerable and broken-hearted, for these emotions are a testament to the depth of our capacity to love.
Life moves forward, and I know that someday, my heart will heal, and new opportunities will present themselves. Until then, I will carry the fond memories of you and the feelings you inspired, cherishing them as a reminder of the beauty and complexity of love. My heart may be bruised, but it is not defeated.
In the end, I wish you nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your life. Though we may walk separate paths, I'll forever treasure the moments we shared and the way your smile touched my soul. Love is a journey, and I will embrace its uncertainties with an open heart, ready to explore what the future holds.
You're standing in front of me.
But, it's only my imagination.
There's no way you can come back.
Maybe you don't want to see me again.
Even it's hard to say my name.
Dear,
You never understand how tired I am of pretending I don't know you anymore.
While in my head,
you're still whirling and shouting.
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| Photo by Mstudio from Pexels |
I don't know what's really going on right now.
Am I hurt right now?
I feel something.
Why am I crying?
I hope this is just a dream.
I need to wake up from this dream.
Then see that everything is fine.
And I feel happy again.
promise that we are going to stay friends even after we broke up - reblog
By Idnasirasira - April 06, 2021
Break up was our impossible word. It was even a joke back then, we often just laughed about it. We were so sure and convinced that we were going to make it until the end of time. You were my secret attic, where I put my precious books away from everyone, where I went to whenever I feel cheery or gloomy, a safe place to put all my scattered and undisclosed thoughts. Years have gone by, turned out that the joke is on us, everything changed. The impossible turns possible. The unthinkable, unimaginable finally comes to a realization. We gave up, or maybe I gave up. I'm indeed the one who was giving up first. I did try, to not change, to stay, to wait. But waiting is the hardest part. I couldn't hold on to it anymore. I couldn't keep our relationship. I'm probably the 'bad guy' in your eyes, right?
—an excerpt from SUNDOWN.
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| Photo by irfan ahamed from Pexels |
Untuk menerima, kita harus rela memberi.
Terkadang itu membutuhkan pengorbanan kehidupan, harapan dan impian lama kita.
Tapi, yakinlah apapun yang akan datang, Itu akan jauh lebih baik daripada apa yang sudah pergi.
Apapun yang kita korbankan, tidak sebanding dengan apa yang akan kita dapatkan kelak.
Nikmatilah prosesnya, dan percayalah kita akan tersenyum kembali.
Kita akan bangkit, dan menjadi orang yang lebih baik.
Kita akan bangkit, dan menjadi orang yang lebih baik.
Mendapatkan apa yang kita impikan, di kehidupan yang lebih baik.
- Bandung 7 Juli 2020
- Bandung 7 Juli 2020
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| Photo by Adrianna Calvo from Pexels |
Seringkali, ketika aku terluka atau sedang menghadapi situasi sulit, aku merasa seperti tersesat dalam pikiranku sendiri. Aku cenderung berbicara sendiri dalam keheningan, sambil bertanya-tanya mengapa selalu harus merasakan penderitaan. Kesendirian membuat semuanya terasa semakin sulit untuk aku atasi.
Dalam momen-momen seperti itu, rasanya seperti aku tengah terjebak dalam labirin dan nggak tahu harus ke mana. Sungguh sulit untuk menemukan jalan keluar, dan yang sering aku temui hanyalah jalan buntu. Tiap kali aku menemui jalan buntu, aku kadang ingin menyerah dan berhenti berusaha mencari jalan keluar.
Tapi, di tengah-tengah semua itu, terkadang aku melihat cahaya kecil yang muncul sporadis, seolah-olah memberi petunjuk tentang jalan keluar. Walaupun kadang susah dilihat dengan jelas, tapi cahaya itulah yang memberikan semangat. Aku jadi merasa nggak sendirian. Setidaknya, ada sesuatu yang bisa memberikan sedikit penerangan saat aku berusaha mencari jalan keluar.
Cahaya itu selalu semakin terang saat aku mulai percaya bahwa dia akan selalu menemani dan membantu aku keluar dari labirin ini. Cahaya itulah yang berhasil membuat aku menyadari banyak hal, sampai akhirnya aku berhasil keluar dari labirin tersebut.
Aku yakin bahwa aku bisa melewati semua ini, dengan atau tanpa dukungan dari orang lain. Mungkin terdengar sedikit egois, tapi aku sadar bahwa dukungan dari sekitar, seperti kilauan cahaya itu, bisa membuat perjalanan ini menjadi lebih mudah. Mereka adalah yang selalu ada, membantu aku keluar dari setiap kesulitan dan penderitaan dalam hidup ini.
Setiap pengalaman yang aku alami, semuanya membantu aku menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Aku menyadari bahwa tanpa lukanya, peristiwa sulit, atau rasa sakit yang aku alami, aku nggak akan pernah bisa tumbuh dan berkembang.
Terima kasih karena telah membantu aku bangkit dan tersenyum lagi.
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| Foto oleh Alan Cabello dari Pexels |
The light has been turned off.
The world is destroyed.
The leaves fall into the ground.
But that's not Autumn leaves.
I see the destruction.
I see it from the outside.
I feel it from the inside.
Some people said it'll be OK and everything's gonna be alright.
Some others said it's just the beginning.
And the rest, they don't care.
How long can I keep waiting?.
While I find myself nearly dehydrated.
There is nothing else I can do anymore.
It's not the end of everything for everyone,
It's just for me.
Bandung,
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| Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels |
Someday I'll realize,
I'll see this through your eyes.
Even you won't be here.
You'll be happy somewhere.
You think I never see your worth.
I always make you hurt,
And make you drop countless tears.
I always mess up these love stories.
I just create heartbreak and miseries.
But somewhere,
You'll find your happiness.
And that will treat your pain.
You even wouldn't cry.
And tears will all run dry.
Someone is gonna love you.
More than the way I loved you.
You'll forget everything about me.
You won't even miss me.
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| Photo by Janko Ferlic from Pexels |
You unexpectedly broke that glass again.
You're trying to put it back together.
Piece by piece you are looking for,
with very carefully.
But many pieces are lost.
I saw tears in your eyes.
However,
You stop putting it together,
You lost your enthusiasm.
Ah, never mind.
Maybe it won't be like before.
This is how it looks right now,
The broken glass that can no longer be perfect.
Just leave it like this forever.
Or you can throw it away.
Poor the broken glass.
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| Photo by Paweł L. from Pexels |
that does not mean there will be no new stories.
When everything is over,
That means there will be a new story.
When everything is over,
let it go.
If that happens,
Never regret it.
Tomorrow will be better.
New stories are definitely better.
It might be difficult to get rid of those feelings.
But you can replace it with new feelings.
When everything is over,
It's not the end of everything.
When everything is over,
That means you have to start a new story.
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| Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels |
Back in the day, I used to think that loving someone meant you had to 'claim' that person, make them happy in your own style, and dedicate heaps of time to the folks you care about. But now, guess what? I've wised up and realized how darn silly all that is, especially when it seems like the ending is just on repeat.
Not a hint of regret, but every now and then, I wonder why I put in more time for others and somehow managed to forget about numero uno – that's me!
After some pondering, turns out I was wired like that because my happiness was hitched to someone else's wagon. Making them smile was like my own happiness delivery service. But, here's the kicker: my way of dishing out happiness didn't always hit the mark. In fact, sometimes it led to frowns and all-around hurt feelings. Ouch!
So, I decided to pull the plug on that routine. Every single glitch in the matrix made me realize I don't need to play that game anymore. It's either time for a new playbook or just taking a chill pill. Gotta say, chilling sounds tempting. Could be a win-win for both them and yours truly.
And finally, here's the scoop: now I've stumbled upon the joy jackpot without having to lean on others. The magic trick is self-love, plain and simple. Do whatever floats your boat. Ignore the naysayers and party-poopers. Because guess what? You're one-of-a-kind. You're a rare gem.
From now on, it's all about giving myself a big ol' bear hug of love before I even think about sharing the love elsewhere. My happiness takes the driver's seat before I start spreading the cheer.
