I am not perfect, I will always be imperfect, but I am much better now
By Idnasirasira - December 05, 2023
Dear Future Self,
I'm currently on a remarkable journey, overcoming challenges with unwavering determination. Life has thrown various obstacles my way, but I firmly believe that each difficulty offers a chance to learn and grow. Failures and disappointments have become stepping stones in my path toward becoming a stronger, wiser individual.
Right now, I'm focused on redesigning my life, setting clear goals, and working relentlessly toward them. I know this journey won't be without its challenges, but I've discovered an inner strength that drives me forward.
My goal is to share my story of struggle to inspire others. We all have the potential to rise above adversity and chase our dreams. I'm open to learning from others' experiences, and together, we can become the best versions of ourselves.
Let's take on this journey together, facing each challenge with determination and hope, because I believe the future is full of possibilities. I stand as proof that we can overcome adversity, and together, we will achieve success.
With hope and strength,
Aris Arisandi
As I feel the weight of exhaustion settle in, a sad question fills my thoughts: "If everyone is tired of me, who will stay with me?" Memories of laughter and closeness now feel distant. Faces that used to smile seem distant now, leaving me feeling alone. This thought hurts, and I wish for someone who won't be tired of me, someone who will stand by my side. The road ahead seems unsure, wrapped in sadness, as I look for that one person who will see past the tiredness and be a true friend.
In a bustling city that thrived on noise and activity, I often found myself lost in the midst of it all, surrounded by the ebb and flow of life. Maybe I'm not a good person, I'd often think to myself, my actions sometimes clashing with the empathy that simmered within me. It was as if there were two sides of me - the exterior that others saw, and the intricate tangle of emotions that remained hidden beneath.
One day, in search of solace, I boarded a train, seeking refuge from the cacophony of the city streets. As the train's rhythmic motion carried me away, I found myself immersed in the sea of faces around me. Each person seemed to carry a world of thoughts, hopes, and worries, and I couldn't help but wonder about the stories etched into their expressions.
I gazed out of the window, the passing landscape a blur as my mind wandered. In this moment, I felt a connection to the strangers around me, united by our shared humanity and the weight we all carried. The chaos of life seemed to fade away, replaced by a quiet camaraderie, an unspoken understanding that life wasn't always as it appeared.
As the journey continued, I realized how similar our struggles were, even though they remained unspoken. The masks we wore hid the battles we fought within, the fears we grappled with, and the hopes we dared to dream. The world was a tapestry of people, each thread representing a different story, a unique journey through life's challenges.
I listened to the silence of the train, the absence of words somehow conveying more than any conversation could. It was a reminder that sometimes, when words fell short, silence could offer solace. And in that silence, a bond formed, connecting us through our shared reticence.
The train took me to distant places, physically distancing me from the noise of my daily life. In that space, I found clarity and perspective. The isolation brought a sense of calm, allowing me to confront the turmoil that had been buried deep within.
I carried a message with me, a reminder to venture far and wide, to explore the corners of my own mind. Loneliness could be a guide, leading me to discover the strength that resided within me. I held onto hope, believing that after every storm, a period of tranquility would follow. Solutions waited patiently to be uncovered, like treasures hidden beneath the surface of my struggles.
The journey taught me to stand firm in the face of life's challenges, to weather the storms that would inevitably arise. It was a process of growth, a transformation into a stronger version of myself. And as the train carried me back to the city, I felt a newfound sense of purpose – to carry my burdens in silence when necessary, to acknowledge the struggles of others, and to find the beauty in our shared humanity.
"This writing is based on what I felt at that moment when I was inside the train."
Jakarta, 19 August 2023
Aris Arisandi
"When I saw you, you smiled and I loved you.
But when he came to you. My heart is broke."
When I first laid eyes on you, a warm sensation filled my heart as your smile radiated a captivating charm. In that moment, I couldn't help but feel an instant connection, and my affection for you blossomed effortlessly. Your smile, like a gentle ray of sunshine, brightened my day and ignited a spark within me.
However, as time passed, my heart sank when I noticed another person approaching you. It was as if my world turned upside down, and I felt a pang of sadness and disappointment deep within me. I watched from afar as he came into your life, and it seemed like my dreams of being with you shattered before my eyes.
It was a challenging moment for me to witness someone else capturing your attention, but I knew that I had to accept the reality of the situation. Love doesn't always work in our favor, and sometimes we have to come to terms with the fact that the person we adore may find happiness with someone else.
I took a step back and reminded myself that love is not about possessing someone or expecting them to reciprocate our feelings. It is about cherishing the moments we have, regardless of the outcome. While it's natural to feel heartbroken and vulnerable, I understood that I should appreciate the friendship we shared and the memories we created.
Life is filled with unexpected twists and turns, and love is a complex emotion that can both lift us to great heights and challenge us in profound ways. Despite the heartache, I am grateful for the opportunity to have known you and experienced the joy of your presence, even if it was fleeting.
As I reflect on our time together, I choose to embrace the beautiful memories we crafted and learn from this experience. Sometimes, unrequited love teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and what we truly seek in a partner. It urges us to grow and explore the depths of our emotions.
I believe that everyone we encounter has a purpose in our journey, and though it might not always be apparent at first, every connection leaves an imprint on our souls. It is okay to feel vulnerable and broken-hearted, for these emotions are a testament to the depth of our capacity to love.
Life moves forward, and I know that someday, my heart will heal, and new opportunities will present themselves. Until then, I will carry the fond memories of you and the feelings you inspired, cherishing them as a reminder of the beauty and complexity of love. My heart may be bruised, but it is not defeated.
In the end, I wish you nothing but happiness and fulfillment in your life. Though we may walk separate paths, I'll forever treasure the moments we shared and the way your smile touched my soul. Love is a journey, and I will embrace its uncertainties with an open heart, ready to explore what the future holds.
Dear, /
I know you may not realize how good I feel when I'm around you,
even if it's only just for a moment.
The feeling reminds me of what real comfort is.
The way you talk and laugh makes me know how love is working.
The way you smile can take me to another world.
Goodbye,
if indeed we are destined to love each other,
then so be it.
I love you.
- zxscidna
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| Photo by Juris Freidenfelds from Pexels |
I love you so much,
I always miss you,
I promise never to leave you,
I promise to always be by your side.
You are someone who means a lot to me.
That's what you said,
Before you disappear
And leave me alone.
Now I know,
The Ones Who Loves You Will Never Leave,
That is not true.
You're standing in front of me.
But, it's only my imagination.
There's no way you can come back.
Maybe you don't want to see me again.
Even it's hard to say my name.
Dear,
You never understand how tired I am of pretending I don't know you anymore.
While in my head,
you're still whirling and shouting.
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| Photo by Mstudio from Pexels |
I don't know what's really going on right now.
Am I hurt right now?
I feel something.
Why am I crying?
I hope this is just a dream.
I need to wake up from this dream.
Then see that everything is fine.
And I feel happy again.
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| Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels |
Someday I'll realize,
I'll see this through your eyes.
Even you won't be here.
You'll be happy somewhere.
You think I never see your worth.
I always make you hurt,
And make you drop countless tears.
I always mess up these love stories.
I just create heartbreak and miseries.
But somewhere,
You'll find your happiness.
And that will treat your pain.
You even wouldn't cry.
And tears will all run dry.
Someone is gonna love you.
More than the way I loved you.
You'll forget everything about me.
You won't even miss me.
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| Photo by Paweł L. from Pexels |
that does not mean there will be no new stories.
When everything is over,
That means there will be a new story.
When everything is over,
let it go.
If that happens,
Never regret it.
Tomorrow will be better.
New stories are definitely better.
It might be difficult to get rid of those feelings.
But you can replace it with new feelings.
When everything is over,
It's not the end of everything.
When everything is over,
That means you have to start a new story.
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| Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels |
Back in the day, I used to think that loving someone meant you had to 'claim' that person, make them happy in your own style, and dedicate heaps of time to the folks you care about. But now, guess what? I've wised up and realized how darn silly all that is, especially when it seems like the ending is just on repeat.
Not a hint of regret, but every now and then, I wonder why I put in more time for others and somehow managed to forget about numero uno – that's me!
After some pondering, turns out I was wired like that because my happiness was hitched to someone else's wagon. Making them smile was like my own happiness delivery service. But, here's the kicker: my way of dishing out happiness didn't always hit the mark. In fact, sometimes it led to frowns and all-around hurt feelings. Ouch!
So, I decided to pull the plug on that routine. Every single glitch in the matrix made me realize I don't need to play that game anymore. It's either time for a new playbook or just taking a chill pill. Gotta say, chilling sounds tempting. Could be a win-win for both them and yours truly.
And finally, here's the scoop: now I've stumbled upon the joy jackpot without having to lean on others. The magic trick is self-love, plain and simple. Do whatever floats your boat. Ignore the naysayers and party-poopers. Because guess what? You're one-of-a-kind. You're a rare gem.
From now on, it's all about giving myself a big ol' bear hug of love before I even think about sharing the love elsewhere. My happiness takes the driver's seat before I start spreading the cheer.
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| Photo by Marcelo Issa from Pexels |
Why it's so hard to make you happy,
I've tried so hard to make you happy,
But I still always hurt you,
Make you feel sad,
Make you cry,
And make you feel broken.
Maybe I can only hurt you,
Make you cry and broken,
If I knew that my effort to love you hurting you,
I'd stop loving you and let other people do that instead.
But I kept trying and trying,
Without seeing you getting hurt,
Sorry for being stubborn,
Sorry if you feel sad and broken,
I should have known from long ago.
Sorry.
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| Photo by Sebastian Voortman from Pexels |
Hi, fæder. I just want to write a letter to you. I know that you'll never read this letter. But here is it...
Dear fæder.
I know you’re not much of a talker, and in a way, I always appreciated that.
Mom was more of the type to tell me what to do and how to do things, but you were always the type to teach by example.
Words may not have been your strong point, but you taught me what I needed to do by showing me how you would do things.
One of the most important lessons I learned from you was the value of keeping one’s word.
Honesty has always been one of the most important virtues to you.
Even though I would lie when I was a child,
you taught me that coming clean and being honest with the ones I love felt ultimately better than hiding my shame with lies.
You also taught me the importance of keeping one’s word and fulfilling promises to others.
Because of you,
I have been careful about who I would give my word to, and thus, I am known as a man of integrity.
Thank you for these lessons you taught me.
I would not be the man I am today without your guidance and love.
Even though I hated you so much because of what you did in the past,
I already considered it a lesson for me.
Today I have become a better person because of you too.
Thanks for everything you have ever given me.
Bandung, 26 November 2019 ~
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| Photo by Anna Nesterova |
Finally,
I met someone who cares for me,
She always told me good thoughts.
She always reminds me to do good things.
When I am sad,
She always hugs me and told me.
It's ok to be sad,
When the guilt and the shame hangover me.
She always makes me feel better.
Thank god,
Thanks for giving me someone who cares
although, She only exists in my imagination.
